I didn't write this, but I think it's funny...
HOW TO PREPARE FOR SKI SEASON
1. Fasten a small wide rubberband around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
2. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
3. Throw a hundred dollar bill away right now.
4. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice twenty times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
5. Place pebbles in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a c-clamp around your toes.
6. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
7. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
8. Go to McDonalds and insist on paying $9.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
9. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
10. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an eighteen-wheeler.
11. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave ice on your face till it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.
12. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go the bathroom.
13. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
14. Repeat all the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!
HOW TO PREPARE FOR SKI SEASON
1. Fasten a small wide rubberband around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
2. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
3. Throw a hundred dollar bill away right now.
4. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice twenty times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
5. Place pebbles in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a c-clamp around your toes.
6. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
7. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
8. Go to McDonalds and insist on paying $9.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
9. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
10. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an eighteen-wheeler.
11. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave ice on your face till it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.
12. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go the bathroom.
13. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
14. Repeat all the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!
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